Saturday, October 21, 2006
My greatest fear
Hello all once again! This is the second painting in my series which I title Loneliness. Actually I think such a painting need hardly be explained. But I shall do so anyway. I feel that it can be interpreted in two ways.
The first: The lone tree has been left in the middle of a once great forest. Why? If you look closely is the tree not unusual? Why is it like plastic? When the woodcutters came for their wood, they took every tree but that and left it standing. Cutters of wood have taken away the companions of the lone tree.
The second: Because of how weird it is, the other trees have left it. They have moved away to where they will not be around that great tree and see now they gather against it behind, whispering behind its back and speaking ill of it.
How does this apply me? Haha...well...let us see. In situation one, I think that it its not really true in my life, but it has happened before. I have had some friends taken away from me by others and then, having lost their friendship, I was great sorrowful in the heart. For most part now, is mainly a very great fear of falling back into that situation.
For in the past I used to be well...quite friendless for the whole of my primary school life. The first two years of secondary school also...the number of friends I had was quite sad...mainly because I suppose I don't take joy in all the things that the guys are doing. Dota...anime...manga...soccer...argh...buay tahan. Haha. Not having known true friendship before, having found some now, of course I would cling tightly to it instead of letting it go! For it is a most treasured possession. Though I do live in fear that someday they too will be lost not because I let them go but that they were taken by others.
Scenario two, amazingly, such an incident also happened in my life. One or two people have avoided me because of who I am and it took me great trouble to get them back in my life, over which I have suffered much. It really made me doubt my selfworth and significance, up to the point where I would have felt completely and utterly useless if not for the help and support of the Lord my God and several dear friends.
But when's all been said, in the end, the most basic thing that I'm trying to put across is loneliness. As I have stated in a previous blog entry, I wonder how it is possible to return from such a great gathering like a church service to end up going home feeling very downcast and lonely? I cling on to msn why? Because through msn I am not lonely.... The desire of my heart? Good and close companionship.
But I will continue to seek the Lord my God, even until the day of my death, believing that He will do all things for me. Even if He doesn't wish to bless me, I care not anymore. For all that He has done already, it is enough for me to Praise Him all the days of my life. I have learnt that it is important to love Him not for what He can give me, but to love Him because He is God. Hallelujah!
Sing and clap all you peoples! For He is the Lord God Almighty! Amen.
