Saturday, October 14, 2006
AEP: My Life (1)
I have done paintings for my O level art examination for AEP and well, what have I painted? In the secret places of my heart I so name them: My Life and its emotional experiences. In presentation, I put forth the idea of man and his possible and highly likely emotional struggles of which is displayed above.
Why the plant in the middle? I feel that man is like the plant. Or shall I say, the stem of the plant. How green are the leaves? How deep do the roots go? Has it been infested with parasites or foreign objects? Such is the consequences of the actions of man. And around man, are 6 emotional struggles painted out, each as you will notice, have a tree to represent man in the middle.
I shall name them, from the volcano painting first, and moving in a clockwise direction. They are: Agony, Elation, Desire, Anticipation, Depression and Loneliness.
(Click on the picture for enlarged view)
In my blog here I shall begin a short series about describing how each painting is a reflection of my own life now, back then and in the future to come. Each painting shall be enlarged in future posts, not only for the purposes of displaying my work (which by the way, I consider it my pride and joy, having little talent in the artistic realm), but also, I wish to narrate the events of my own life, in a less boring manner.
Sadly I only got a B3 for this project, even after having slogged at it for an entire year. Praise the Lord that they are now sitting in my room at home. I have been to school to rescue them from the clutches of dust and darkness as they sit lonely and forgotten in the AEP storeroom. They shall remain with me forever.
Why suddenly this? =) Hmm, Friends, can I say that at this moment I have been cast into a refining fire, being broken down, ripped apart, torn and cast into the valley of darkness where I am teaching myself to swim and reach for the fertile soils?
I have a desire to take root and grow like a mighty tree out of the valley as the sun leads me to my breakthroughs. It is a phase of depession that I am willing to go through to endure as my Lord God bade me. Fear not for me. I only ask that you smile often in my presence that I might partake of your joys, knowing at least that the world around me is still bright and wonderful though I cannot see. But by faith, I have seen the light and thus keep the light strong until I come up and grow lamps of my own.
I embrace my depression with a steeled heart and I will walk through it with the fire of the living God. After having tried to find relief and support sources from my own thinking and close friends, I realised that relief is impossible to achieve at this moment.
Something powerful is at work here my dear brothers and sisters (in Christ) and friends also! That nothing on Earth may grant me my joy, no matter what anyone does or says, it matters not. My depression is from the Lord and it is by His will that I walk through the fire now as I have bade Him make me.
Haha. It is actually very strange to feel happy and depressed at the same time...so I believe that the Lord is at work. Praise Him. The Lord has given me His assurance, that my breakthrough shall be great, that the prize He has in store for me, is greater than anything I can ever hope for. But my suffering shall be long and the sacrifice is more terrible than even I can imagine. Only those who have been truly depressed know what I am going through.
I think it is quite amazing (though tiring) to know that even my loved ones cannot offer me a road out of th depression. It is a clear sign to me that I shall no longer seek man for comfort but the Lord. Hallelujah.
For Psalm 69 says that:
Verse 1-2:
Save me, O God!
For the waters have come up to my neck.
I sink in the deep mire,
Where there is no standing;
I have come into deep waters,
Where the flood overflow me.
Verse 20:
I looked for someone to take pity, but there was none;
And for comforters but I found none.
And verse 13:
But as for me, my prayer is to You,
O Lord in the acceptable time;
O God in the multitude of Your mercy,
Hear me in the truth of Your salvation.
Psalm 27:14 says:
Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!
My heart is steeled and I stand ready before the Lord. Bless Him for He is Good! Praise the Lord! Amen. =)
