Thursday, November 30, 2006
The feather and the wind
Up flies the feather, light and swift
Borne by the wind that comes from the East
Its own fate it cannot control
Tossed and twirled like the wind that blows
Oh glorious is the day when the wind lifts high
Up goes the feather into bright blue skies
Sights and sounds and wonders seen
Waters touched with a shimmering sheen
Ah but what when the wind withdraws
Its strength dies and the feather ceases to soar
Lower it falls into the deeper pits
In the darkness, alone it sits
O ever does the feather wait
Upon the wind to play its little trick
And up from darkness does it go
Into sunlight that reaches not below
The only joy that a feather has
Is to be carried by wind its best friend
It dreads the failing of the Eastern wind
For with its comes depression ever kee
Let the feather not depart from wind's embrace
Let it be kept close to wind's gentle face
Let the feather bask in love eternal
Let its sorrows be buried forever
Posted by The Inflamed at 7:25 PM
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
The road goes ever on and on
Hello! I have returned! But sadly, though things are running for the most part, not all is well altogether. Some things have picked up, other things have been running downwards. It is a continous spiral of events, going round and round and round again. The road goes ever on and on as Tolkien once said and wither does it lead? None can tell.
School life has picked up once again and this is the first time I am feeling the fire of the mountain load of work that has descended upon me. Not that it poses any problem actually and it certainly isn't much stress but when other factors come in, that is when the work load becomes heavier. If you run with a feather, you are light and free. If you run with a feather and a brick is tied to your leg, does the feather not become tiresome also?
Its just that there are so many things to keep track of at once that I am losing my ability to organise and plan my events anymore. Not only is there school work, but there are other areas of life such as friendship connections, the church, my work life, my family and of course time for sleep, fun and relaxation.
How difficult it is to go off to school early and then come back late, already not having time to play and yet still having to focus on subjects. On the other hand, even when travelling, I can receive smses for all different things, work, friends, prayer meetings, bible studies, feedback collection, work from Suntec and also the many other events organised by TP such as the CCM forum and the SPCA talk and flag day. I don't even know which smses are for what anymore, my phone is in a mess.
During the weekends, that is the only time avaliable for work at Suntec or Pan pac, thus naturally I would have to sin up for work on either one of the two days. But at the same time, church also fals on either one of two days and sometimes it takes up both days. With cell group ending late on a friday night, only a few hours of sleep is squeezed in before I work on saturday and then continue rushing on to church. When I come back late on a church sat, and then sun is another fierce day of work.
If I am totally work oriented, I would have already shut out all forms of communication with the people around me, except for my dear classmates whom I see everyday. But fortunately, there is destress, comfort and happiness when talking to friends and having great times of fellowship, so in a way, its good sometimes to set work aside for awhile and just calm down.
Unfortunately, not everything has been smooth thus far. Friendships require effort to maintain and upkeep, work requires initiative, time, effort and committment, school work requires all the emergy I have simply to maintain focus during lectures and to uphold a hardworking and enthusiastic project for my projects and lastly there is the church which I feel has been slipping from me lately. My walk with the Lord seems to be moving further away from me and at the same time, responsibilities have doubled or even tripled compared to the last month.
Everything is contributing a significant amount of stress until a mountain is formed. Where shall I find my rest? In the Lord my God? Yes indeed....but how distant is He from me and where is that presence which I long for but cannot feel?
One step at a time perhaps is good advice and good counsel. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?? THERE IS NO MORE SUCH THINGS AS SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE BECAUSE....THERE IS NO TIME!! I have to settle everything in the fastest time possible...and I mean EVERYTHING!!!
Posted by The Inflamed at 1:43 PM
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
All is vanity
Blogging is in vain...as long as there is nothing worth blogging, there will be nothing to say. What use is a blog when I cant even convey my thoughts and my feelings? What good is a blog when all your thoughts and your feelings are personal? How can I use this blog when I have nothing to share with the public?
Farewell...when my blog resumes, all is well.
Posted by The Inflamed at 6:26 PM
Monday, November 06, 2006
Muddle-headedness
So far, so much in the secular world has been wondrous and fairly great. My class is doing well and though I have joined new classes, the people there are nice and friendly and I have little trouble getting along with them. New project groups have been formed and my new subjects have more or less been introduced to me that I may know how boring they are =P
I can't wait for the beginning of year 2 when Culinary Practicum shall be introduced as a core subject and perhaps only when I enter the kitchen will I find true joy in school. But every blessing seems to come with a compromise. As I enter into Year 2 I will be apart from my current class, though a number of them will follow me up. I'm quite sad to think that well, I am not going to be able to enter kitchen with 1Jo2, the class that has brought me much joy and laughter, taking away stress in difficult times.
For now, projects can be quite tiring since they are all about business and management, research and surveys. On top of having to focus on subjects that I don't really enjoy, also I seem to be struggling in some areas of friendship that lie beyond the school itself. Everyday I walk in stress and worry, waiting on the promises of He who is faithful to come to pass and that may take several years! Still patience is a good habit to cultivate.
Still...how wish I that everything were so swiftly solved and that my life can be once more filled with joy and wonder, to be happy and to be filled, to live out life according to one purpose: And that is to live it to the fullest according to His will.
I try not to worry, to focus, but it can be so difficult, when at the same time facing friendship and relationship crisis that all my energy alone is spent dealing with such issues. Perhaps it is but folly and I should greater wisdom in lifting it up to the Heavens that all my worries shall be apart and away. But there will always be a heaviness of heart that will not go, a genunine joy that will not come and an affliction is never forgotten. Peace is momentarily.
And all know, to deny your feelings would be to destroy yourself. How? When shall my joy and deliverance come? I need only persevere and hold fast to the Promises lest I be swept away by the tide that comes and the storm that rages.
Class is starting. Farewell. =)
Posted by The Inflamed at 11:57 AM
Muddle-headedness
So far, so much in the secular world has been wondrous and fairly great. My class is doing well and though I have joined new classes, the people there are nice and friendly and I have little trouble getting along with them. New project groups have been formed and my new subjects have more or less been introduced to me that I may know how boring they are =P
I can't wait for the beginning of year 2 when Culinary Practicum shall be introduced as a core subject and perhaps only when I enter the kitchen will I find true joy in school. But every blessing seems to come with a compromise. As I enter into Year 2 I will be apart from my current class, though a number of them will follow me up. I'm quite sad to think that well, I am not going to be able to enter kitchen with 1Jo2, the class that has brought me much joy and laughter, taking away stress in difficult times.
For now, projects can be quite tiring since they are all about business and management, research and surveys. On top of having to focus on subjects that I don't really enjoy, also I seem to be struggling in some areas of friendship that lie beyond the school itself. Everyday I walk in stress and worry, waiting on the promises of He who is faithful to come to pass and that may take several years! Still patience is a good habit to cultivate.
Still...how wish I that everything were so swiftly solved and that my life can be once more filled with joy and wonder, to be happy and to be filled, to live out life according to one purpose: And that is to live it to the fullest according to His will.
I try not to worry, to focus, but it can be so difficult, when at the same time facing friendship and relationship crisis that all my energy alone is spent dealing with such issues. Perhaps it is but folly and I should greater wisdom in lifting it up to the Heavens that all my worries shall be apart and away. But there will always be a heaviness of heart that will not go, a genunine joy that will not come and an affliction is never forgotten. Peace is momentarily.
And all know, to deny your feelings would be to destroy yourself. How? When shall my joy and deliverance come? I need only persevere and hold fast to the Promises lest I be swept away by the tide that comes and the storm that rages.
Class is starting. Farewell. =)
Posted by The Inflamed at 11:57 AM
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Where do I go? What do I do?
A muddled sheep in the mountains walks......
And thus have I walked in the shadow for what seems like several years already, for it is like a new era or chapter of my life has begun. School has become more unpleasant....or rather less pleasant for it is still enjoyable, only certain thorns have propped up in the midst of a once smooth field of grass that running barefooted no longer seems like such an enjoyable task.
School is always fun I could say, because of the number of people that I have come to know there, the multitude of familiar faces and also my wonderfully crappish classmates with whom I can behave most naturally: Ah the wondefully crappy, happy and carefree me. I never count a place to be a truly happy one, when it is someplace where I cannot let it all go...the madness, the sheer joy and the explosive fun that belches forth un controllably without warning. There is this very unique and wondrous high-ness that may seem like an aftermath of considerable drug abuse or excessive drinking that just fills me at certain times and a smile just sticks to my face.
School is a wonderfully hilarious place, where my smiles bring new smiles and other smiles bring my own smiles. Everywhere, smiles are reflected back into bigger smiles. There is an aura of joy around my classmates that hardly fails to fill the gaping hole in my empty heart when I am often alone and the joy that seizes me can be so great. Its like...liberty...a free world amongst them where I do not feel any constrain to behave in a way that everyone is expected to conform to. Its happy.
The sad thing? The pain? Is that so many of the subjects now are so incredibly boring. Its quite horrendous to find that I am understanding nothing, and that none of the topics are catching my eye. I can only reserve my applause and deal out my yawns. In anycase, such is a small matter and good companionship is all that I need to survive whatever horrors await me in classrooms and lecture theatres.
In anycase, I also wish to give thanks for good and close friendships, for times of sharing and times of great joy in good company. I think that love amongst friends is really something magical and wonderful. I no longer want to add on all those old and cliche lines that speak of treasuring friendships for they are hard to come by, but rather I wish to praise its wondrous existence...that with good friends, silent companionship, even over the phone can sometimes be such a release from everyday hurts and wounds. It heals. It supports. It helps. It comforts. It delights. It excites. It fills. I think the package is complete.
Give thanks to the Lord for He is Good! Amen!
Posted by The Inflamed at 10:35 PM
