Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Rending of heart and flesh
This the is the work that I title Desire. Why is Desire such a terrible thing? Perhaps it is not. But it is an emotion that I have beheld, struggled with, been defeated by, rose again, only to be defeated again!
Desire is like an endless hunger, it keeps on coming until it is fulfilled. It has a significant power, perhaps more than you can ever imagine. I have been crushed, time and again, not having the desires of my heart fulfilled and its teeth is ever gnashing. If no food is fed into its mouth, it shall bite and destroy itself.
So I have chosen to place the venus flytrap on the tree that represents the hunger for something it cannot reach. Where is the abundance and the vast fruit and greenery? The desire and the lushness of the forest is split by the river that is murky and poisonous, one that is uncrossable. Why is this tree different from the others, in that its trunk is greyish and leafless. The flytrap has consumed most of its own leaves and the tree has become different, from all the other happy trees in the far off distance. They are different. Notice the pattern of the stones, they stretch out in all directions, the four fingers of a hand. They are reaching out to something they cannot get.
How can this be applied into my life? Can no one answer this themselves? I have faced desire time and again, beaten and beaten until it has been fulfilled. My patience wears thin while my hungry desire grows stronger day by day, such that I may sink even into depression. What is more painful than wanting something you can never have? It might be foolishness sure, but a very real desire nonetheless. It is painful to me and I dislike to bear it.
But it is inevitable. I shall continue to seek the Lord and build up the faith in me that He has already given me what I wish for. Only when my faith has been truly established in the Lord my God, perhaps then I would not lament over things that I can only get in 20 years.
Praise the Lord for He is Good! Amen.
