Monday, August 06, 2007
How do I find rest?
Something I have heard said and yet found true and very interesting, is that: Life flys by you and time is precious, but no matter how fast life flys by, life is still very long.
If disagreements surface, speak to some of the more elderly folks. By 50, some would have said that they have lived far too long.
Back in secondary school...I was free, I felt free. My goal was just to live out each day of my life and plan as things come my way. I never aspired for great riches. My only great desire was to have a really happy and contented and loving family. Thats all I really wanted, as well as a secure and comfortable job which I actually enjoyed and not because i'm doing it for the money.
All I wanted was to have enough to get by...have enough to be happy. That was all I asked for...and there were no great burdens, not much stress and life was pretty much free. I didn't have many cares in the world and I walked with a skip in my steps and my voice was filled with delightful songs. I laughed and smiled everyday and frowns hardly appeared. It was good and I think I miss my sec school days.
Yet how is it now that after being entrusted with the great commission and the cultural mandate, I seem to have grown tired and weary? I sometimes walk dragging my feet behind me, and a heavy heart is beating slowly within. I wake up and...can't honestly say that life is great.
I'm not complaining.
I'm just wondering. Do I really have to be so goal oriented, that each and every single day, I'm so focused on my future life...a life where I am supposed to expect prosperity and riches, a life where I am going to be a leader in the marketplace, a life where I see revival come in greater than the tsunami that came in some years back, until I am this stressed?
I have no idea what is weighing me down sometimes. Maybe its because everyday, I'm living out my normal life...and yet I don't see how I am moving towards that great and bright future. I feel that I could be doing something more but when I explore the possibilities, I feel like fainting because I'm already so tired.
I don't know what I should do now besides what I am currently doing. And I'm stressed because I see my goal list:
Nearer goals:
1) School revival
2) Clean hands and a pure heart
3) Loving people fervently
4) Excelling in school
5) See family salvation
6) Great spiritual growth
7) Renewing of mindset and attitude
Further goals:
1) Lead a successful righteous life
2) Be spiritually empowered
3) Have a wonderful family
4) Be exceedingly Happy
5) Be extremely rich
6) Impact the marketplace
7) See revival take place and be a part of it
8) Be a leader in my industry
Just look at the goals man. I see them and I am lost. I think I am already doing all I can. Should I still be concerned and worried? If I am how can I be happy and light hearted? None of these are goals that can be attained by spending some time with books or teachers. No one is going to teach me this stuff.
It seems like so much...for a boy of 18 to do...me who has yet to completely enjoy his adolescence...with the fun and the games and the going out and the movies and the friends...and I'm weighed down by what seems like...one of the greatest responsibilities in the world.
Its an aspiration that I never really aspired. I only hoped for that comfortable bit of life...I didn't need fame, glory, to do great things in the nation and lots of money. I only wanted to take real good care of my family and live away from the hectic Singaporean life. To live life the way I want to live it...together with a strong, happy relationship with my God.
And I remember in Lord of the Rings, Galadriel, elven queen of Lothlorien said to Frodo, Ring bearer, "If you do not find a way, no one will."
In the end...I just wonder...is there any good in worrying? But if I do not worry, in what kind of frame should my thoughts be in? What should I be focusing on if not my goals and how to attain them?
So the wonderful question is: How do I find rest?
Thank you ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. You have been a wonderful audience =)
Au voir.
Posted by The Inflamed at 11:16 PM
