Monday, August 07, 2006
Boredom
Hello all!! Here I am to blog because well, I have nothing better to do, or rather no mood to do the things that I am supposed to do. Expect this to be a long one :)
Again I have been swept and overwhelmed by the plague of boredom and this will ultimately lead to a mini depression. But even as I speaketh thus, I find joy in writing and pouring out my heart here is the closest substitute I have for a listening ear. Nay nay, I am not here to whine about the difficulties and troubles of my life so fear not and worry not! This may be more of a reflection exercise as I seek to understand myself better.
My friends, you have all been burdened, carrying upon your shoulders with a great load of work now that the week of examinations draw near. Indeed it would not be fitting for me to cast my cares upon you when you have cares already to contend with. The Lord shall be my listening ear this day and forever and ever more.
In the fog of boredom I remain lost, seeing my goal and yet having no motivation to approach it. The lost sees the world as a maze, ever intimidating and it is frustration and terrible to them. But I assure you I am ever earnestly seeking my way out and there will be a lamp to guide me in the darkness.
At this very moment, I desire nothing more than good heart and good cheer, which I have not, but I feel guilty thinking this way, for my life has been a blessed one and I truly have no reason to lament. Yet such politically correct answers do not help one's mood. There is a way out. The question is when will I find it?
My test is nigh, in less than 24 hrs time and I have done nothing in preparation. O would I that my classmates were with me in a study group, that let there be laughter, joy and company amongst friends, that having struggled the night, the heart finds the sun in the morning and is refreshed. How might I have such strong focus that I dwell on studies alone and not on friends when the time comes?
Sometimes I wonder if my bitterness would force me down a path where I would not take? A path of a nerd perhaps, seeking refuge in studies only and all the time, having only one goal in life and that is to be successful. But sad isn't it? My mind is playing foul tricks on me =) now that I recognise it, at least its not that bad haha.
Know thy enemy before thyself. LOL. Actually, the most simple truths are the most profound truths. I learnt that in Garfield. Hehe. WOW isn't it?
I think I need a book. It has been awhile since I last read and I have had no motivation to continue the book that I have written which was lost when my computer broke down.
Life is actually a very wonderful thing, but its beauty lies in the eyes of he who beholds. Right now? I am one who stands in a brightly lit field, but who has chosen to dwell in a cave set in the middle. Is it very surprising that I only see darkness and a terrible life?
There is ever a struggle in my mind, between the armies of Good and Evil as perceived by me and the battle rages ever on and on, both caught in a deadlock, struggling for ultimate dominance. The Lord is with the Good in my mind and the Devil with the other.
If the Lord is with me, who can be against me? There is comfort in such thoughts.
I must find a way out of these dark and treacherous paths and have my cheer restored fully to me once more. I know not when the time will come and I know not how difficult it is going to be. But I am not staying in the pit any longer. I am going to jump out and behold the glory and beauty of the sun.
Life is Good. I must open my eyes to see it.
As Yoda once said in Star Wars Episode III, "Train your mind to let go of everything you fear to lose."
The Lord Denethor said in the Return of the King, "Stir not the bitterness in the cup that I have mixed for myself."
Richard Rahl said in the Sword of Truth, "Dwell on the solutions not the problems."
Andrew Matthews taught, "Dwell on something and you begin to move towards it."
The Bible says My God is able, He is mighty, He is Faithful.
And Don Moen teaches that the Lord never sleeps, He never slumbers, He never tires of hearing our prayer. That when we are weak, He becomes stronger so rest in His love and cast all of our cares on Him.
May the peace and grace of the Lord my God be with us all this day. Amen.
I depart in peace and in the hope that I may listen to the counsels that I have taken upon myself. Farewell.
Let there be light in dark times, the break of the storm and the calming of raging seas. The rewards will come just as we choose to give up. Endurance breeds fruit. Surrender breeds death.
Truly? I have found such joy in writing that I don't ever wish to stop. But it is getting long and the hour grows late. I wonder if anyone will even read =P
Posted by The Inflamed at 6:54 PM
