Monday, July 24, 2006

Revelation from the Lord God

Hello! Greetings to the World and especially to my Brothers and Sisters in Christ! I have come today feeling blessed and indeed touched, by the Grace and Mercy and the Love of our Heavenly Father, that He has given me reassurance, time and time again, that He is with me and will bear me as a ship bears one across the vast and everlasting Oceans.

For the past few weeks, I have been tested and the Lord has stretched me to a place, a new level I have never reached. Feeling uncomfortable and unadapted to a strange place, I cried to the Lord, telling Him to bring me back down. The pressure was far too great for He brought me up and left me there, lost and muddled, that I may help myself, grow stronger as I walk my path of million thorns.

But He had never truly left me, my dear Heavenly Father and he had been with me, hiding and watching, simply waiting for me to cry out to Him for help, to rely on His strength that my feet may crush even the sharp points of thorns and come out unharmed. But I did not seek Him and I fell into deep depression, into disappointment, into denial even, that I was facing trouble at all.

It was folly for my Lord watched me as I began to stumble and forget Him. I prayed indeed, but still I continued to feel dry and lost. Distant from His touch, from His promptings and His word. I felt utterly detached from Him and bereft of His Greatness that I despaired.

I came to many, to my brothers and sisters in Christ and few offered comfort that could extend beyond a day. My depression returned and I denied its source. I knew always that the Lord God would send trials to test us, to help us grow. But I was never comforted by the thought. I was frustrated often then and tired, growing angrier. I comtemplated giving up and backsliding away, for the pressure was too great and yet if I backslid, I knew that I would regret for eternity for I would have thrown aside what the Lord God has given me and S23 and the Aq 4, my family in Christ.

Then came one day, after a prayer conference call, I returned to my mood in a fey mood and I snapped there and then. Madness of rage overcame me and I keyed an entry into my blig there and then and it was bitter, meant to portray my sad state. There was none to comfort me in my time of need and I sought the Lord God for several seconds, praying for companionship and peace to take me swiftly before I gave myself to the edge of the cliff and there would have fallen.

And the Lord God was gracious to me. And indeed it is right when it is said "It is on the very verge of us giving up that the Breakthrough arrives and Blessed are those who endured to the very end." The Lord God stands with a smile at the end of our treacherous road and He rewards those who endures in His name, not having given up halfway.

Thus I Praise the Lord for my brother Jeremy in Christ whom I sought that very night and He edified me with the Word and Wisdom of things concerning disappointment and of the Lord God. There he shared personal experiences, terrible experiences of how he had faced disappointment and backslided and how he had regretted since. He spoke of perseverance, that we should be glad for our trials and smile in times of troubles for the Lord blesses us. It is through breaking through that we are able to grow in power and come forth in His might. I received his counsel with many many tears.

Also there came concern from Michelle, my sister in Christ whom I am truly grateful towards and blessed was I to have received such an unexpected message. It was the Lord's answer to my pleadings.

Knowing me, I felt peace that night but it endured not for long and it would have broken out on friday also but the Lord was good to me. Sister Huijun began to share the Word of God, pertaining towards the handling of disappointments and also how we must never give up, no matter how difficult. Many of the core members of S23 shared then that day and through their tears, mine flowed and I felt blessed once more for here are they who have endured more than me and Rena's words struck me the most for she said, "We have already come so far, it is foolish to give up."

Through CG I was blessed and my Faith was made stronger.

Yet it was not strong enough and the Word had not yet been fully embedded into my heart. On saturday, I felt an immense Fire for the Lord through Praise and Worship until I was left tired and physically drained. Truly I was blessed by Pastor Kong's message on marriage and there were many tears for I have been touched and truly blessed. There in CHC, he spoke of things that have always lingered in my heart but never expressed and he did it all, expressed so wonderfully in words that there was a pang in my heart.

Still, during fellowship, I felt another wave of depression hit me and I remained sullen and dull. When I could no longer take it, I departed from S23 and left for home, feeling terribly sad and lonely for there were none to accompany me in this difficult time. Ah but no!! I was ever wrong!!

For HE WAS THERE WITH ME, ALWAYS AND ALWAYS, FOREVER AND EVER ESPECIALLY IN THE DARK TIMES OF MY LIFE, MY JOY AND MY LIGHT, MY LORD AND MY SAVIOUR....He was there for me. Praise the Lord God.

At Bugis train station, I was down. So terrible down that I paced, not knowing what to do, feeling that depression come again, that wave of disappointment. How may I cry out to Him in a public space? I sought for my Mp3, in the hope that His Songs may drive my darkness away. But there was another prompting...to Seek Him through His Word that is the Holy Bible.

This is strange for usually when I am so down, I would not think of reading, but right there and then, the Lord had something for me. I reached for my Bible, somehow cherishing a Hope that through that I may be blessed. I confess that the Lord had never shown me verses from the Bible that I may be blessed. It was always through others that this was done.

But this day, as I flipped open to the page where I last stopped and continued on, I began to read and felt tears come again for I have been blessed right there and then. I was stunned myself, to see how the Lord works, in such an amazing manner!

For where I started was The Epistle of James and James 1:2-5 truly touched me then.

2 My Brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,
3 Knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.
4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

(James 1:2-5)

Thus, feeling blessed, I entered the train and endured my way home. Upon reaching home, I felt that I needed company and I needed to share all that has transpired over the past few days. Thank the Lord for my sister Khar Loo in Christ who has been there for me when I needed her.

Here I Praise the Lord for having been with me always, watching over me, guiding me and prompting me, soaring me to new heights and a greater Level of Faith. Praise Him for His blessings to me, for they are not small but abundant and overflowing especially in the area of friendship. Praise the Lord for his Love and his Goodness and indeed, the Lord shall Reign over all my dreams, thoughts and fears in the darkest of my times. Indeed the Lord shall Reign in me always, that I may serve Him faithfully in times to come, when He will sent greater trials to test me.

I Praise the Lord for my brothers and sisters in Christ who, having been sent by the Lord to touch my Life, has not failed in that aspect. I thank the Lord for City Harvest Church and for the joy and blessings it has granted me.

My Lord!! Never have you abandoned me and never will you depart from me, for even when I am Faithless, You were Faithful and having such a great Love for me, spared no effort into guiding me back into your Light and Glory. Let me walk forvever in your Power O Lord, basking in your love and presence, drawing me closer to you each and every day that no force in this world may split us.

My Heavenly Father, Strength of Heart and Mind, Lord of Blessings, I glorify You always.

Know that He stands always at the end of a long and terrible road, rewards spilling from his lovely hands. He smiles always that you have endured for His sake and has marked you down for Good in the Kingdom of Heaven!

Praise the Lord for his grace to me! Forever and ever, let me be your Sheep, Inflamed with the might, the power, the strength and the Glory of the Heavenly Father and My Lord Jesus Christ. Blessed be my brothers and sisters in Christ and peace be with us all. Amen.

Posted by The Inflamed at 1:03 AM